Book Review: Everything That Was

Reviewed by J.B. Leddington

A powerful novel that explores the profound impact of loss and the enduring power of memories

K.R. Hansen’s Everything That Was centers on Prudence “Pru” Spellmeyer, a high schooler whose life is forever altered by the death of her older brother, Davis, just before the start of her senior year. “One perk for members like me of the Dead Sibling Club? […] A void where everything’s numb, where everything’s safe.”

Hansen beautifully captures Pru’s journey through the various stages of grief, portraying a character who seeks solace by drawing in her journal and sanctuary by hiding in the backseat of her brother’s vintage Monte Carlo. Yet, despite such coping strategies, her sense of hopelessness and despair is evident from the outset. “I consider not getting up at all and spending the entire day in bed. The parental units wouldn’t notice. BD—before Davis—they sure would have known. But now, in AD times, everything’s changed.”

The vivid descriptions of Pru’s thoughts and feelings, as well as the associated emotional depth of the story, create an immersive reading experience, fostering a readerly connection with Pru on a profound level as she grapples with the weight of loss and the desire to escape painful memories by any means possible. Of course, such a connection means that the reading experience is not always comfortable or enjoyable in the traditional sense, but it is certainly always impactful and compelling.

The story takes an intriguing and rather unexpected turn when Pru, who is determined to graduate high school and leave her small town behind (“Say goodbye to this dinky, Podunk town full of bad memories and people who know everyone else’s business”), realizes that she is failing geometry, which could result in her failing to graduate and so being trapped in town forever. As a consequence, she finds herself having to rely on Steve Nolan, her childhood BFF/crush, for academic support. 

It’s an awkward situation made exponentially worse by the fact that Pru holds Steve responsible for her brother’s death and, therefore, for ruining her life. “It’s not fair. This sorry excuse of a human is still alive, walking around all smug as if nothing happened and life is perfect, and my brother isn’t.” The tension between Pru and Steve, heightened by past grievances and guilt, adds layers of complexity to the coming-of-age story.

Another unexpected aspect of Everything That Was is Hansen’s decision to incorporate dreams into the narrative. Pru regularly dreams of Davis, which initially provides her with a comforting escape from reality. “The disembodied voice was everywhere at once. It echoed off the walls. It reverberated inside her head. It took root in her stomach and sped through her veins. Hands—warm, strong, sure—slipped beneath her armpits, righting her with ease.” While disorientating, it’s clear that these dream bring Pru solace, even if just for the moment.

However, the dreams soon take on a darker dimension: “…Davis convulsed. His jaw twitched, his eyes rapidly blinking. He clenched and unclenched his fists, and a tremor rolled up his spine, bowing and jerking his back in sickening contortions.” This pushes Pru to confront unresolved emotions and to rely on Steve for more than just academic assistance. Hansen’s exploration of her dreams adds a surreal magical realism element to the novel, fostering a peculiar and sometimes unsettling atmosphere that merges seamlessly with the realistic emotional development of the characters. 

Hansen’s writing style is evocative, capturing in sometimes painful detail the essence of loss and grief as well as the transformative power of both dreams and forgiveness. The depth with which the story, characters, and setting are all imbued leads to the story having real emotional resonance. In particular, the portrayal of complex relationships and the difficult process of healing is especially powerful. While the novel focuses on Pru, Hansen makes it clear that she is not the only one suffering due to the loss of Davis:

“Zombie Mom abandoned Dad at their accounting firm. Zombie Mom rarely showers, wears only her bathrobe and slippers, and hides in her bedroom all day. She randomly comes out but only to clean her precious china. God forbid anyone touches it or the prom decorations still hanging in that hideous dining room. I never see her. We don’t talk.”

Everything That Was is a bittersweet tale that clearly and thoughtfully shows just how delicate the balance between heartache and hope is. Hansen not only explores the intricacies of grief but also celebrates the resilience of the human spirit and the almost unlimited potential of the human heart for change and forgiveness. It makes for an emotionally charged novel that highlights the enduring magic of dreams and the unexpected connections that can help to rebuild a shattered world.

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